So a part of change is pushing yourself to practice, practice, practice. A momentum that I would always push to the side. Why can’t I just be good at something! Snap of a finger like everyone else around me. Because everyone around me, theoretically in my head was just born amazing and I was born with no talent. So the will to practice has never been there. Plus when I struggled, trying harder or asking for help just seemed like such a minute note to play. If I couldn’t figure it out on my own, then I’m not going to figure it out at all. What a great drive to have all through my middle school and high school years. As those come to past, 12 years later, here I am, wishing I could do all these things that I could have achieved in grade school, utilizing the teachers and students around me for FREE!! And I did not. I decided to live on the path of fate. Whatever happens, happens. I lived carelessly and hopelessly and free. Altho I do not regret my decisions, I am however disappointed in myself, I now have too… well, start over. This time, through I’ve recently developed this mental downfall of anxiety because, I’m too old and I’ve wasted my whole life and achieved nothing! I am running out of time! oh my gosh! etc….So this whole practicing thing, takes practice. But the best part of this whole thing is, learning new things is actually more interesting to me then it was 12 years ago and rather soothing. At least when it comes to painting. Good, bad, ugly, either way, I like how I feel after I have finished a piece. And that’s all that really matters. I’m doing this for me, no one else.