That thriving feeling of wanting to journal, to write but it nags at you that in reality it really doesn’t matter all that much. No one ever listens to what I need to say or want to say. There becomes that dry thought and loss for words that blankets me in feeling alone. Disconnected.
Even though I deeply feel connected to too many things. I grew up sheltering myself from these “gifts” that I was given; Caircognizance & Precognition (seeing future outcomes/premonitions/knowing the death of loved ones, etc) & clairaudience (hearing/feeling words spoken from those who have passed). And Clairsentience (Ability to Feel the energy) I was so scared as a child, because I grew up in a somewhat Christian household, but I was often told that my mind would ultimately lead me to the devil. That collecting spiders and making potions out of water and whatever chemical or paint that was on my dads work bench in the garage, so I can create magic was witchcraft and that was looked down upon heavily. Even though my mom would walk around telling us that her bloodline is connected to witches. Needless to say, after seeing a few “spirits” ( they were harmless - I know that now) I shut my third eye. Begging “Jesus” to take it away. And with that, I was disconnected from the self. Left with only visions of death of family members that come in like a silent visitor of the night; if they died in the night. Or a weird pull and whisper if they died during the day.
Waking Up
One day, I met a masculine energy who I knew but I didn’t know. That pull to run up and hug someone I never met and yell with overjoyed excitement… “OMG! I’ve been looking for you! Where on Earth! have you been?!? I MISS YOU SO MUCH!” - Only to actually stand there and stare at him dead in the eyes as if I just saw a ghost. I pondered for weeks digging at how I “knew him”. Or the fact that I had a premonition a week prior to meeting him, that I would meet someone who would change my life.
Flashback aka The Premonition (2018)
At this time, I was in a really shitty relationship with a mental & emotional abuser who was a cereal cheater. I have broken up with him enough times, and I was at my wits end. I knew deep down how I deserved to be treated and what I wanted out of life and what I wanted life to look like. The question was how to get there. I started exercising alone, taking both dogs for walks; alone, I started to journal again, and started to take care of my mental health so I could figure out how to “leave”. At the time I thought I needed a lot of money, so I started to save every penny. One day, at Pinerest, we had a team meeting that we were getting a new….person. And his name was…. X. I laughed to myself and I remember feeling a part of me saying (maybe he’ll be my future husband, haha jk Tiphani, just kidding….I joked with myself because I wanted so badly to be saved from my situation or at least helped.) — But I do remember feeling excited…but I didn’t understand it or think much of it. So I chalked it up to be a big joke with myself.
A Couple days passed, or shifts, I worked so much it’s hard to tell how many hours/days were in-between this moment. I worked because I didn’t want to be home and for the money to escape. This ONE particular day, I was walking down to the new unit (cypress) and on my way there I stopped at the big giant windows lining the hallway. It was February. Snow was barley melted. The sun was shinning so Bright and it made everything so beautiful. I Felt something within me as I felt solace in that moment. I felt warm, complete and at ease. That I was right were I needed to be. And I was happy. Beyond blissful. (again at this time, I didn’t understand these feelings… nor looked into them). I remember looking out the window as I starred in glee I heard (he’s coming and your life is about to change. For the better, hang tight, he’s almost here…) Feeling those words were confusing. I just shrugged it off to be “life is about to change and it feels so good.”
… Back to the Masculine
It Baffles me and excites me how I forsaw this. And he did alright. Change my life. I remember the day and feeling as if it just happened from both the premonition & first meeting him. It was as if I woke from a nightmare. I was on autopilot ever since I shut my “third eye”, well I covered it as much as I could. And when I met him and I eventually fully “Woke Up” all I felt was … “What Am I doing?! Why Am I here?! What have I accomplished?! Where did I go?! Tiphani!! Hello!! Are you there?! Wake up! Wake up! He’s here, wake up, Tiphani, we found him….” That is what it felt like meeting this person. And when I woke, I found myself in a pile of baggage. A mess of shit. I was not who I wanted to be. I know I was on the road trying to find myself before I met him, but it’s hard to run when you can’t see the road.
Upon meeting him, it was like a shockwave of who I used to be awakening from the depths of my soul. I started to believe in Astrology again, (18 years since I looked at astrology) I absolutely without hesitation believed in reincarnation, something I always fought others on that there was no such thing. But after meeting him, I felt no other way. We don’t add up without it; I can’t wrap my mind around US without it. I believed in the mind's eye, that everything we needed to heal was right in front of us like the people we know and facing traumas to Meditation, Herbalism, & Moon Rituals aka Witchcraft/Self Love Practices, Manifestation. Learning that Manifestation is real and it works and fast forward 6 years and I have done quite well, even though it has its hardships. I believe in everything and anything I shut off all those years ago when I was a child and I have been learning to EMBRACE my visions and feelings. Now I feel much, much more than death. I feel Life. And the intensity in which I feel runs deep into my veins. I can feel other people's energy and the earth's energy. I see future outcomes. I hear those who passed whisper in my ear. I can feel them when they are in the room or nearby (Clairsentience). And not just MY spiritual guides or loved ones.
Clairsentience
When this happens, my heart flutters, I absolutely break into a smile. And sometimes tear(s). I am in complete awe and shocked with energy that is beyond myself. And If I know them, I will see them in my mind's eye and know who it is. Sometimes it lasts for a brisk second like they walked through me, and sometimes it lasts for minutes. It also feels like an intense wave of happiness + adrenaline high. And you feel absolutely selfless and exhilarated and in love with everything from colors to sounds to those around, to smells, tastes, just full of love and Awe. It’s beyond description. It’s beyond Life.
——-
Since this Masculine energy has awaken Me, I feel like I am back. I fear things a lot less, I am happier with myself, And I am now practicing meditation, moon rituals, self healing, regularly. I feel more inspired and creative. The drive that I have for self love & happiness is beyond comprehension. I do things alone now. I feel crisp in the mind and full of positivity and fully aware of what is to come and why. My compassion & empathy is much deeper and I feel more connected to this divine realm. Some days are still hard to push beyond my own barriers but that’s the whole point. Continuous learning and healing.
Meeting your Twin Flame / Divine Counterpart
They say that happens when you meet your Twin Flame. That firstly at least one of the souls receives a premonition that they’ll be meeting them soon. Secondly, the Feminine energy soon after meeting the masculine “wakes up” and starts an immediate healing journey of themselves to break the karmic cycle of life and relationships they have been living. (AKA shadow work, inner child work, trauma healing ). And then the feminine energy will turn and lend a hand to the Masculine in a means to help guide them on the path of healing, to awaken from themselves. But the Masculine generally doesn’t start their healing journey till much later on. From months to years. Sometimes it has to be triggered. Sometimes it takes the separation of the two in order for the masculine to truly enter their journey of self awareness and healing. What I heard was that all Twins go through a separation. And if both are able to shed their past selves and live in a higher level of energy/ divine self, then they can unite otherwise they don’t. Some never reconnect after they separate. - I read this somewhere, or watched it on TikTok videos a few years after I met this masculine energy during my mission to figure out why I felt the way I felt and to piece together all the weird coincidences that would qualify in the category of the supernatural. Those who talked about Twin Flames being like this, I felt that I could relate to, therefore it felt more true. (I was like, omg, I remember reading about Twin Flames when I was 12 but never looked back, but always grew up feeling as if I was “looking for someone” but I could never find them. I felt incomplete ever since I was a child. And now reading all this new information years later is like reading the beginning pages of my life starting from my premonition…so weird!?) Another reason most “Twin Flames” don’t connect is because one soul waits for the other (me I guess), while the other soul settles down, and then when and IF they finally meet it feels like they have worlds between them and it is hard to re-unite especially when the other has an entire other life. I have a gut feeling I met… my Twin Flame. I felt so intuitively connected to him, I know where he’s at, how he’s feeling, what he’s thinking and I have even heard his thoughts from time to time and I always let him know when I do, It weirds us both out. Spiritually speaking, from a self love and healing trauma and learning to be happy with life, he’s now accepting of what I bring to the table philosophically and is curious. And since I am open to my supernatural talents? He also is starting to develop or is curious at the very least to his psychic abilities alongside me although he refuses to associate anything is pyschics. Which is also another thing that happens when Twins come together. That their psychic abilities enhance if they are vibrating at the same level and energy.
Twins are often called Mirrored souls. Two souls who are identical as they are different. They Mirror one another through personalities to life events. They may have similar experiences that result in the same end trauma or completely different experiences but often still lead to the same trauma. And it becomes useful in helping the other adjust and or heal. “Mirror souls often experience telepathic communication and a high degree of synchronicities. You may find yourselves thinking the same thoughts, picking up on each other's emotions, or experiencing parallel life events, as if the universe conspires to bring you together” I found this cute animated video this year, it sums everything up quite nicely. 10 Signs You've Found Your Twin Flame
Psychic Intuition
I can now do psychic readings on not just him but most people in HIS family. I can see/feel where they are at. (like if they’re home or away) How they are feeling in the present moment. If anyone one of them were to approach, like knowing someone is going to enter the room before they enter the room. Anyone connected to him, I can now feel. I have predicted jobs and phone calls and times of travel departure and travel arrivals for members of his family and even a death dream for a past death and a future … well we all die someday …..
I started automatic writing because I could feel so much that it became hard to separate everything, and some things I just needed to clarify what's a thought and what's actually being felt/said. About a month ago, I had a conversation with my grandfather Richard Strait. That was amazing. I haven’t been able to reach anyone since, but I have been able to make sense of my Claircognizance & Clairaudience much clearer with automatic writing. I am able to reach my Higher self and my Spirit guide Freya, more so than those who have passed. Those who have passed, they talk when they want to talk.
But there are days … days in which I see all these things, I can feel the outcome as if I wrote it, but sometimes I still live as if none of it were true. My skeptical yet logical brain likes to proceed with caution. What if these premonitions don’t come to fruition? What if I read them wrong? If that was/is the case then I’ve wasted valuable time on this earth and for what? Did I really just walk in the wrong direction? Or is all this phony boloney?
I live as if the glass is half full, and live as if it would never truly be filled full. I can see and feel the wires of both worlds and it is becoming apparent that a ton of people are a lot like me, people who are even more gifted than I. We are speaking out through social media and trying to show people the light through the dirt.
But my focus is always One Soul at a time. And sometimes I just feel exhausted. Especially because this Soul is the hardest to get to and requires patience I’ve only just acquired. An overwhelming desire to leave, fights with the intuitive mind & heart that I MUST STAY.
The Day I Changed Course
One day, on a very, very, very dark September day for him at least; 2020, I was emphatically feeling his emotions and it was the heaviest sadness I have ever felt off another person, and as I glanced at him from afar; he was alone and had a piece of cardboard in his hands and he let his hands drop to his sides as he started off, letting his mind consume him while the deep pain he was carrying emanated off him vibrating deep within my very veins, while I felt tears building at their brims I felt/heard “Take Care of HIM” Or maybe it was “Watch Over Him.” both meaning quite the same. And heard on separate occasions. I think TAKE CARE came first. And I remember not feeling alone when I heard those words. At the time I didn’t understand it because I was just starting to learn about the psychic side of myself. I just finished my inner child shadow work and I felt my third eye open. I felt more alive than ever, but what I didn’t know was that past loved ones could speak to us. That I was more than claircognizance (knowing) but I was also clairaudience (hearing).
So when I heard/felt those words that day, “Take Care of HIM” I felt strongly about them. I thought they were my feelings but I didn’t associate them to that level at that time. So I was oddly confused and almost called myself a fool because my intentions initially were to leave this life behind in 3 months time. Leave him, my friends, this job, everything and everyone behind. And I felt confident in my decision. But to this Day I remember that moment in time as if I still exist in it from time to time. That moment changed my entire game plan for the steps I had planned in my life. (new job, new city, new friends, new life) My life flipped 180. I was NOW on a New Mission. I was motivated, geared and focused. I was brainstorming up a storm on how to take the next steps in changing course. Because It had to be done and done soon. And I knew what change needed to be made and what needed to be started and how. It was almost as if I was guided meticulously from an outside source of the unknown. I never hesitated. I just kept pushing for this idea, this adventure to come alive. There was no other way. This is what we were both meant for. It’s why we came together. Other Than him being my mirror.
I now know what I heard and I remember seeing a face in my third eye to whom I spoke it, and remember feeling like someone was standing next to me for a moment and honestly those words are what started our life “adventure.” It ignited everything. As I said, I remember that day vividly, it was like something inside of me changed that day, my drive, my focus, my life outcome, all defined in that moment with those words. I didn’t understand the notion, just that I had to do this. But looking back now, I now understand. I understand when the dead speak to me and the effect they can have and I clearly can see the energy ribbons of its connection from that day leading to this present moment... I made a spiritual promise to someone I never met to watch over the one person who defines all to me. And I don’t regret anything even through it’s most difficult moments.
Why else would I meet the person who I was supposed to meet two months before art school graduation. Why else have I never been able to get a job in my field unless this was supposed to be?? It all makes perfect sense to me. Everything happens for a reason.
A month afterwards, I was shown (claircognizance - knowing) the next 10 years in a way of struggles, as if I needed to know what to expect. That was weird. I saw the many forks in the road on this new journey I began. I also felt what “WOULD” happen if I didn’t take this path. (in 2023 he ends up dead and I end up unhappy and broken and eventually dead) It’s like I unlocked a quick view of my life map. And now most things feel Déjà vu. Like a reminder I’m still going in the right direction from what I saw.
So the words remind themselves in my brain on the days I find the hardest. The days I want to walk away from the stress of life and everything/everyone to it. It’s like the world opens up and becomes bright when I am surrounded in darkness.
I must “watch over him”; I hear. I must do so even if he never sees me. because one day, in due time, he will see me. Until then, focus on the “adventure” all while silently taking care of him and guide him towards his highest version of self and don’t put yourself in his equation. “watch over him” Even if he Never remembers me. (reincarnation - which I vaguely remember) Which is the hardest thing of all, because it is piled up on the mountain of the feelings that my EGO already, always feels - alone and never heard and never seen. Stupid Trauma. But I didn’t date assholes for nothing, I built tolerance and understanding and compassion and patience and love. Without them, the pain, the experiences; I wouldn’t have been able to get us here. To a life with abundant growth, love, learning and compassion. and connection to my true self.
Sometimes I am baffled that I am still here. Still alive. But Life is such a precious thing and so is death. Death is so beautiful along with its suffering and its pain. Not the harmful type that hurts those around it but the type that is self inflicted from good intentions. The Sadness from the high love we held in our hearts that dies slowly in our eyes as we move in the motion of the light and the dark. The purposeful situations that we hold ourselves in for ourselves or for others in hope of beauty; only to slowly die within, so we can let go of that part of ourselves and to grow into something stronger and something more beautiful. That is beautiful.
Because “There must be death before life can grow.” -Me
I feel connected to everything all while feeling disconnected where I wish I was seen & heard. I am here. I am not Here. I am creation. I am Life. I am Death. I AM.
