There is a storm coming… no really a storm just rolled in. But as far as my heart goes, I said I sensed myself falling down a few times and I’ve officially lost myself in my devotions and released myself, for the sake of sanity. But I still sense an ending I’ll love. I just don’t want to face the facts, I guess. When it comes to my career, even tho I just started a few years ago, I feel so lost. Like where did I fall off the bandwagon? Did I seriously get that comfortable being a chef, that I lost all sense of who I am? Or is it a mixture of many other things. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I sense a strong feeling of growth that needs to happen. I have now reached that road split in my life where I need to make important decisions and I want to leave the food industry and build myself as an artist. But the struggle is real. I’ve applied and applied but it’s so hard to get out there, especially when you suck at interviewing and have like no experience as well as being a workaholic who’s never available.
”You want to meet up? Sure let me look at my calendar. Oh I’m off in three weeks at 4 pm…I work a half day that day.”

Of course there are so many other factors I can’t discuss on my life, but I feel that the time is right to part ways with the company I’m with and lead a life in design. But since I prolonged that for so long because of personal reasons, the fight is going to be that much harder. I really want to excel as a freelancer, but I need to have that major source of income, and I don’t think cooking is the decision that needs to be, for the time being. Lawrd I feel so lost, mentally. Or am I just scared to change when change is normally what I embrace? I’m trying to follow the signs but it’s hard sometimes. Sometimes letting go is harder than you think.