I worked a 12 hour day today voluntarily of course. and I’m probably going to do it the next 2 days. We have morning caterings, and a lot to achieve. Plus I enjoy doing extra work in between my actual responsibilities. I enjoy helping my bosses. I’m a workaholic. Today was the easiest work day honestly, so picking up extra tasks was mindfully pleasant. Surprisingly I was able to stay very focused and achieved more than normal because I normally juggle more than I can handle. As far as how my brain works tho, it was difficult. I kept trying to go backwards in thought. So I had to constantly ask myself, “Is this worry or fake thought relevant to your task? No? Ok…Let’s move on, what do you want to paint when you get home? How long of a run do you want to do today, one mile or three miles?”

But as I got home, I started to drag. I did manage to push myself for a 2 mile run, then took my dog for a mile walk. Now I sit here on the computer, wanting to paint. Wanting to pick up my guitar, I want to achieve something creative today, but my mind is wanting to be else where and it’s hard. Hard to force yourself to work on a passion when your mind wants to think of the irrelevant. it’s like a mental tug of war and it can be very exhausting at times. I feel my creative urge wanting to bust out and be free. I know what I need to do, I know, but it’s that ultimate push in the right direction.

I’ve ignored my phone all day, for I don’t care at the moment what goes on in the world. It’s been on mute for almost a month, it’s nice not having that constant anxiety to answer a reply every time I hear a notification. Plus it helps redirect my focus…”on myself”. I guess I’m going to go to my other outlet for awhile and hopefully later this evening I can at least put a few minutes of practice on my guitar and paint “one” picture. It’s all about setting goals when you struggle with mental roadblocks. Let’s do this!!